Pissing, and the Associated Memories...

'Are you pissing?'

That particular sentence from 'Life of Pi' brings back memories. They are the 'not-so-worthwhile' snippets and clippings from our mutual lives that I have decided to keep. And now that they have resurfaced, I'm going to force them upon you guys. You see before I start writing something, I think of you. And then I desperately try to bring out the essence of a memory that has left me, or is leaving me in a slow, painful process. The feeling is akin to be retiring to an armchair in old age, and staring out of the window overlooking the misty garden in winter. It is a soothing feeling and a grievous one too, both at the same time.

Once I begin to write about it, it occurs to me that this is going to be a rare post. In a way that it is partly gender-specific. Men may appreciate some aspects of it more, while the ladies will have to do a little bit of guesswork and bank on their imagination out there.

But it is in no way, a sexist post. Just read on, okay?

This is the story about urinating (v.) 'the act of eliminating urine - the warm, yellow clear liquid from one's body, via processes differing at the level of sex/gender, while providing a similarly palliative feeling of relief upon it's execution.' PS. It also maybe a taboo to talk about in public, something I'm willingly letting go today.

...

Peeing is a boring thing to do. Albeit one of the most beatific acts around, but still it is boring. Don't you agree? I mean, come on, Ijaz targets and jets down bugs in the bin. Then, how me and Rahul competed, while standing atop a hill and looking down upon the valley, to see whose 'projectile' goes the farthest, and we even had an involuntary judge for the event! I also know people who try to write their names in cursive writing.

That way, I'd probably reach only halfway before I run out of resources to finish my last name.

...

There's this movie hall in a certain town, which basically looks like a warehouse from outside and is never quite full. Yes, the one I described in this particular post - Kahaani - Part Review, Part Experience. It so happens that once me and a friend of mine went to see this movie. Quite uncharacteristically, we both feel the shorter call of nature and decide to go about answering it at the backside of the hall, at interval. After much 'shifting and re-placing' ourselves in the inept seatings, we finally get up and find ourselves the toilet.

The sign, that was chalked out on the tin gate read 'TOILATE' and comprised of just a wall to pee upon. But, that's no bother! We needed to get this thing going, sooner than it was too late. (Wasn't that, what the misspelt sign signified?) Calls of nature are not be trifled with, so we rush to the wall, stand side-by-side, unzip our pants and let go of everything that was held back.

And as we drew a parabolic curve on the wall, we suddenly realize the exposed actuality of it all. There was absolutely no barrier between me and the other guy. The wall that we were drawing the bell-shaped curve upon (perhaps to demonstrate the homogeneous situation of ours) was only as high as our waist. So, basically we had unzipped our manhood for the entire world to gaze at. And if not the entire world, there certainly was a two storied building right in front of us. On top of which, as our luck would have it, stood a South Indian family in their entirety, staring quite amusingly at us. Not eye-to-eye, no sir! They eyed us somewhere below the belt.

What followed was regrettably comical. We tried to turn, but we ran the risk of peeing on one another. Then we tried to sit down, but only guys will understand how difficult that is, while in the process. So we just stood there. Proud of ourselves. Putting our hand on the waist like Superman, we gleamed back at the family. And they, at us.

...

Moving on, when the new hostel was being built in the first year of our college, few of us went exploring about it. Still under-construction that most of it was, the first floor was otherwise completed. And so were the washrooms. With new bath and plumbing accessories, the bathroom looked tempting. And I think it was Thakur, who decided that we must inaugurate the washroom, by peeing in the toilets.

And so we all peed into the milky-white toilets. As Thakur and the same friend I mentioned earlier went to pee side-by-side, they had a marble barrier this time. The barrier however, was too polished and it was only a while later that the ill-fated guy realized that he was musing about the dimensions of his own instrument, and not that of Thakur's.

Quite a hullaballoo followed after that. Boys will be boys, eh?

...

And after writing about something as kitsch as 'urination', I certainly hope it'll do good as my GRE practice to write something absolutely irrelevant and nonsensical, under a time limit. Ciao friends, spread the word, I, maybe am not going to be able to write for quite sometime now. Getting a little bit busy nowadays. So you guys take care, go watch the onscreen adaption of Yann Martel's Man Booker winning book 'Life of Pi' and in case you wet your pants when you see a roaring Richard Parker, remember me!